I write blog entries in my head. constantly. i have since i was fourteen or maybe earlier. i used to write them down but have not for a few years. i have no proof for the past few... no documentation that my heart feels the same. i look back two years. five. seven. ten. fifteen. and i know and i am fairly certain that six months ago was probably the same but i think i need this again.

this blog is not for you though i will keep it publicish. it will not be witty and the grammar will be embarrassing. if you know how i talk. my actual voice and pauses and syntax then it will make sense. if not, i will not apologize. cannot.

i get this burning in my chest that i think is my heart strings because my heart is most comfortable on my sleeve but needs to be more centered to function. i have problems functioning. i know this. i don't think this is depression but deep emotional feeling that paralyzes. but it is good. it is a feeling that has always been a part of me and i think it is what makes me tick. makes me an artist. makes me connect and love and read books and drink whiskey and want to climb trees and climb mountains and watch people and cry too much. it makes me inactive when i want to be active and active when i want to be inactive. it is a blessing and a curse. i feel these things and i don't know if it is normal. and i don't want to know so don't tell me...